the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
