I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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