I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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