mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
