Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
