Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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