If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
