You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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