I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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