I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
