we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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