...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
