I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
