eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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