Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
