So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize