Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
