Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
