I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
