Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
