Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
