Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
