I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
