my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
