but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
