Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
