Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
