im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
