didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
