i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
