dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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