Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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