He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
