When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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