It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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