she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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