Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
