cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
