You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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