So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
