I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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