I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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