She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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