Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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