The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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