): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
