Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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