if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
