Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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