a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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