what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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