32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
