The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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