I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
