It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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