I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
