I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
