you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My feet surprised me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize