we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
