If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
