I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
