I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
