I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
