Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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