Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
