Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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