you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
