its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize