So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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