Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
