trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
