that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
