brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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